tweets about life

And somehow, the spouses of Twitter continue to find humour in the minutiae of married life and sum it up perfectly in 280 characters or fewer. 3. Obsessed with travel? If they made taco flavored vodka I’d be dead in an hour. Didn't you know you were taking the picture? aesop: you should be like the ant, he works every day 3. [sifting through mail]

Keep up with the latest daily buzz with the BuzzFeed Daily newsletter! sorry i'm late, i have terrible time management skills and zero perception of distance as it pertains to speed of travel. me: i want that. baby shower invitation? 4. I'm the avocado of people. We would like to show you a description here but the site won’t allow us.

Find out more about how we use your information in our Privacy Policy and Cookie Policy. Find out more about how we use your information in our Privacy Policy and Cookie Policy. HuffPost is part of Verizon Media. *calls up pizza place*

Discover unique things to do, places to eat, and sights to see in the best destinations around the world with Bring Me! Kanye West tweets, deletes pro-life message showing 6-month-old fetuses after rant against Planned Parenthood The musician recently announced his plans to run for president Yours isn't the only text I'm ignoring. Accuse everyone around me of taking my keys 34 Tweets About Everyday Life That Are Sure To Make You Laugh "Sorry the ice melted in the drink I made for you but I thought you knew how to drink..." by Luke Bailey. We and our partners will store and/or access information on your device through the use of cookies and similar technologies, to display personalised ads and content, for ad and content measurement, audience insights and product development. Search, watch, and cook every single Tasty recipe and video ever - all in one place! I'm finding it really hard to care about any of the characters these days. If we have to suffer, at least we can laugh about it together.

By Caroline Linton May 19, 2019 / 1:55 AM / CBS News Luckily, the hilarious people of Twitter understand relationships all too well: It all starts with a few dates, and assessing what they think of you: What my girlfriend thought, first 4 dates: 1. We would like to show you a description here but the site won’t allow us.

4. You think you're pretty okay at doing stuff, and then you try to plug something into an outlet you're not looking directly at. Me: you can call it a buretor, I know lots about cars, I'm like you. Me: *looking under table* you didn't bring your dog? Haha, um no thanks, Linda. Information about your device and internet connection, including your IP address, Browsing and search activity while using Verizon Media websites and apps.

I have a regular size shower that I can use whenever I want. Zoom is essentially like Google Hangouts - but you can include up to 100 participants. Still can't believe Facebook has been renewed for another season. You can change your choices at any time by visiting Your Privacy Controls. While you wait and wait for me to mature enough to be enjoyable, I sneakily transition into a disgusting mess. The daughter yells, "Mom, I smell beer!" It' not beer, it's bourbon. IF YOU'RE TRYING TO TEAR MY FAMILY APART IT'S WORKING, JUDGE: You unplugged your grandmothers life support Every other Monday, we round up the funniest marriage tweets of the previous two weeks.

WHY WOULD YOU CUT MY PIZZA SO UNEVEN? Apologize for key witchhunt. Can't find keys I'll only find porn realistic when the woman takes off her bra and some crumbs fall out. HuffPost is part of Verizon Media. Find keys Wow. Nice shirt. 2. Just perfect. Dating: *lights candle to set the mood* This adjustment to living life remotely is a pain, but it's also inspiring some funny and relatable tweets. aesop: he just chills until he dies Maybe even a skittle or two. Mechanic: you need a new carburetor Stupid little kid. Settle down.

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